☠ DeadJournal

After lying on the couch for what felt like hours, scrolling mindlessly through various streaming platforms on the TV my brain wandered. I thought of old friends, and LiveJournal, and how I miss wanting to play games. Sometimes I try to explain to my boyfriend what it feels like to be unable to take pleasure in (or even convince myself to participate in) the things the things I used to enjoy the most. I spent a lifetime playing WoW. Okay. Perhaps not a lifetime. It was a long time though. I made friends on there, I met lovers, I went through heartbreak. I had a taste of family.

I try to think back about how I used to do it - working multiple jobs, playing WoW (or hanging out in Ventrilo)whenever I wasn't working, and sleeping for a short time whenever I was able. These days only the last is the same. I suppose it's actually worse. Sleep is something that constantly evades me. Sometimes I'll joke about how my boyfriend will sleep twice as much as me, and he corrects me and says yeah, no - it's even more than that. He's got the gift though - he can sleep anywhere anytime seemingly. That has never been the case for me.

Anyway. I was doomscrolling, I guess. On my TV. I watched a lot of movies this week. Or, at least I watched a lot for me (recently - I used to watch.. a lot all the time). When I am in the deep hole sometimes filling it with movies is a small help. It's like adding a layer of paper to the hole. It's not significant in itself, however after a large amount of movies it does add up to.. something.

Movies this week (at least.. that I can remember);

• The Forgotten
• Oldboy (rewatch)
• The Skin I Live In
• Memories of Murder
• Kid Detective (an oops rewatch.. not a concious one like Oldboy)
• The Age of Adaline
• The Belko Experiment
• Hellraiser
• I Spit on Your Grave (remake)

Getting a dog was the best thing I ever did. I have two wonderful boys now and when I feel absolutely ready to be swallowed up I remember I need to wake up in the morning to feed them.